Downer buzz 2k10

Not really one for posting when i'm like this, but fuck it. It's the internet and everyone moans.

Shitty week, shitty news tonight. Just when everything was looking up. Deep down i kinda knew something like this would happen because for a while it all seemed too good to be true. Did not for one minute think i would be this gutted though. It was just all so nice and for the first time in months i actually felt something for someone. I was the happiest lad.

I feel really uncomfortable with pretty much everything right now. Could be because i'm shattered tired but i really feel unsatisfied with how things are working out. One day i feel like everything's fine, then the next i'm not one bit happy. I just feel like i'm missing something. I've got plenty of mates, plenty of amazing people in my life and i'm so grateful for that. I just feel like i'm missing that best friend. Just someone who i can go to when i'm feeling like this.

Haha, i just keep reading back on this and laughing at how negi all this is.

Let's hope i have someting good to write about next time.

Boredom

Haven't updated in a while, just decided to out of pure boredom.

Life is a mixed bag right now. The sun better get his ass back out, only a month left of the sumer and I've pretty much done nothing but work and go out at night. I miss having the hang outs. I never seem to do much with my days off. On the other hand, going out with friend, nights out etc have more than made up for it. Last Saturday was especially pretty sweet.

Two weeks off at the end of August, everybody better get their asses ready for hang outs and trips to the beach.

Last week also saw me jam with a band for the first time in well over a year. Not gonna lie, was pretty much shitting it. But it went alright, jamming again this week so hopefully that goes well. Really hope this works out, i pretty much talk about or think about music 24/7 so to be able to sing in a band again would be pretty sweet.

Oh and someone take me back to Leeds, SERIOUSLY

CANCER IS A PRICK

ughhhhhhhhhh

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Cleaning out your room...

should come with a warning....this shit can get emotional

old tickets from gigs, old letters/cards from ex girlfriends.

No wonder my room is always a mess.

25/5/10

Though I'd update this since my last post. Nothing's really changed, haven't really lived up to any of the things I said i'd do in my last update. Still living in this shithole. Walking to work this morning to the sight of a drugs raid on one of the houses on my road. Turn the corner to see two houses completely taped off (apparently someone decided to fire a couple of shots at one of the houses). The whole estate is now under 24 hour surveillance, can't help but feel it's a little too late. Things have got really out of hand lately, can't stand living here.

On a better note though, heading to Leeds this weekend. Going to be the best fun, get to see amazing bands with good people. A weekend off work is pretty nice too. After Leeds i think i need to take things easy for a bit. Been going out a lot lately and I just can't really take it anymore. I'm starting to get hangovers, I NEVER get hangovers! My body needs a rest, need to start looking after myself a bit better and hopefully i wont feel as tired as I have been. It's been fun going out so often though. I get to see some people a lot more these days and I've also met some really cool people lately too.

The single life is treating me pretty good, the time i have for so many other things is actually scary. Obviously letting go of someone you've been with for a while is pretty tough and to be perfectly honest there's still days where i wonder if i made the right decision. I know i have though, it's not the creeping on girls and dry humping anything and everything in sight part that appeals to me at all. Mainly due to the fact that i'm hopeless at it. But honestly i'd just rather go out and have a laugh with mates and have a good night. Thats what it all boils down to i guess, just having the laugh!

Thought i'd write a bit about music too and stuff I've been listening to lately. As usual it's pretty all over the place.

www.myspace.com/theghostinside - Can't wait for the new album, gonna be so good

www.myspace.com/vanna - Listened to these a few years ago, just getting back into them

www.myspace.com/bayside - still will always be one of my favourite bands

THIS SONG!

and of course

www.myspace.com/heroinerrordublin - new song is the tits

Need to get to more shows

Well that's about it!

Holding on to a fairytale

I never know how to start these things....

Times are a changing, i absolutely needed this to happen. It's tough at the moment but that's how i like it. I hate getting comfortable, even though i constantly let things pass me by. The next year or so i am confident that i am gonna make the absolute most of every single opportunity that comes my way. Even if it means making some complete changes in my life.

A change of scenery...

I can't even begin to describe how much i need to get out of this shithole. Walking through this place every single day and seeing the things that go on around here is something that i need to get away from. It's where i've grown up for the past 18 years and i'm sick to death of it. Everyone here is miserable and i can't blame them. There is no hope or ambition here, it's SHIT. From here i am going to do everything i can to move out, it will happen. I need to see different countries. Went to Philly last year and fell in love with the place. I need more of this. It was a complete eye opener. Not once when  i was over there did i feel like i was being judged. People talked to you like they genuinely interested in who you were and what you had to say. I want to see more of this.

A change of lifestyle....

Pretty obvious. Found out this week the my Nana has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Worst news ever. She is hands down the best woman in this world. At her age there's pretty much fuck all that can be done to stop it. I just need to see her more often. I'm blessed to have known and remembered all my grandparents, each one of them are hands down  some of the biggest influences in my life. With that, i have to stop smoking. I never want the same thing to happen to me.

A change in priorities...

Best advice i was ever given was "work to live not live to work". I should follow that more often. The last year or so i've done the complete opposite. I'm lucky to have a job and be remotely successful at it. I earn decent money but that's all meaningless if i'm doing nothing with it. I need to get out more, see people more and make the most of the friendships that i have. I let go of a lot of friends a few years ago and i was lucky enough to get them back in my life. I'm determined to keep it that way. It's been great the last few weeks, i've developed friendships with people i never thought i'd talk to, let alone hang out with. It's kinda odd but a couple in particular have been great. It's just taught me to completely let go of any preconceptions of have of people and get to know them before making a judgement on who they are.

That's me done, cheers.